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Feb. 19th, 2008 | 10:04 am

Seriously, if I hear the phrase "too ugly to get raped" one more time, I am going to flip the fuck out.

For the all the ignorant misogynist morons out there,


1. Ugly women get raped. Pretty women get raped. Toddlers and grandmothers, women in wheelchairs, women with mental handicaps, bitchy women, smart women, stupid women, drunks, sluts, and nuns--they all get raped. Rapists do not go after women because they were so overwhelmingly turned on that they just couldn't help themselves. They go after women because they hate women and want to humiliate them, and raping a woman is a pretty good way of telling her that she's worthless as a human being.

2. Every single rapist is capable of stopping. Whether it's the stranger who jumps out of the bushes or (more likely) the guy who's had a few too many getting his date alone, they're all capable of stopping. If a policeman or the girl's parents wandered onto the scene, you can bet your ass he'd be able to stop. The fact that he doesn't stop when he's told to means that he doesn't want to, not that he can't.

3. Pretty women don't deserve to get raped because they 'must know they turn guys on'. Ugly women don't want to get raped because 'there's no other way they're going to get laid'. Having a rape fantasy does not mean that a person wants to actually be raped, any more than being into BDSM means that a person actually wants to be tortured.

4. You cannot and should not try to define a woman's worth on the basis of whether or not complete strangers are interested in jerking off to her pictures.

5. And finally, even handsome men can be rapists. They don't rape women because they can't get laid in other ways (many of them have wives or girlfriends), they do it because they're sick, fucked up individuals.


I can't believe any of that actually needed to be said, but the evidence all suggests that it did.

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Comments {44}

Botia Macracantha

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from: botia
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
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OH MY GOD.

What is wrong with people?!?!?!

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Botia Macracantha

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from: botia
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 03:22 pm (UTC)
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May I link to this from my LJ?

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
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Go for it. Like I said, I can't believe that people need to be told any of this, but they apparently do.

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Botia Macracantha

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from: botia
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 07:50 pm (UTC)
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Also, may I blog it? Fully credited, of course?

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:20 pm (UTC)
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Of course!

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Larry Smith

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from: lymansinister
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
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Yes, it does need to be said over and over until idiots either learn it, or their heads explode from too much logic input.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
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One can only hope.

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no thank you

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from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 05:28 pm (UTC)
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i don't agree with #1 "hate women" part under every circumstance, at all. and i don't agree with a lot of #2. but the rest seems like fucking common sense. *shakes head*

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
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Rape is just about the most degrading thing one human being can do to another. It's basically saying to a person "I do not see you as a woman (or a man, I suppose) with thoughts, feelings, a personality, any right to decide who you will or will not become intimate with, I see you as a collection of sex organs that I will exploit as I please."

If that isn't hate, I don't know what is.

As for #2...I don't know what to tell you. An erection does not override brain function, men are not animals, and they're perfectly capable of deciding not to put their dick somewhere it's not wanted, no matter how turned on they might be.

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no thank you

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from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
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that's not hate - that's indifference mixed with a lack of compassion. i'm vegetarian, and i can easily say to a meat-eater "you do not see a cow as an individual with thoughts, feelings, a personality, any right to decide whether or not it should be slaughtered and eaten (etc.), and therefore, i say you hate cows." i don't think many meat-eaters actively HATE livestock.

while i definitely think some rapists actively DO hate women, i think it's ridiculous to assert that all of them do.

"An erection does not override brain function" LOL - we'll just have to agree to disagree on that one. clearly, to me, it sometimes does.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
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The difference, though, is that a cow is in fact not a human being, and there is not generally any sadistic enjoyment of pain involved in the slaughter of one. Nor is there any way to eat meat (and thus, at least in some cases, survive) without killing the animal.

To put it another way, the slaughter of a cow is a (debatably wrong) means to a necessary end--feeding oneself. Rape is an end in and of itself, and there is no justification for it. Rapists don't think 'oh, I want to get laid, and I don't care who gets hurt in the process.' They don't want to get laid. They want to rape. That's why it's hate, not indifference.

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no thank you

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from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
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my point was not to make a perfect analogy - clearly, there isn't one, but you seem intelligent enough to understand what i was saying regardless. *shrug*

i don't particularly care to debate, anyway.

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no thank you

(no subject)

from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
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P.S. SORRY, lol. I thought I was commenting in one of my friends journals without realizing it was a link to someone else's.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
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Heh, that's fine. I get a little combative sometimes.

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StarWatcher

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from: starwatcher307
date: Feb. 21st, 2008 06:00 am (UTC)
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.
For most mammals, the female controls whether or not the male mounts her, no matter how horny he is.

I saw it in action when I took my mare to be bred. She wasn't yet ready, and planted both hind hooves in the stud's chest. Okay, said he, and walked away.

So, you're telling me that a man has less control over an erection than a horse does? I say bullshit; he just doesn't want to exercise some self-control.

Hi Aebhel; I dropped over from Rio's blog; I hope you don't mind.
.

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no thank you

(no subject)

from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 21st, 2008 01:07 pm (UTC)
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i happen to be a zoologist and evolutionary biology so.........

i could get into it, but like i previously said, i don't really care to debate. i don't see how using one instance of a single mating experience of one species to make generalizations about all mammals.

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StarWatcher

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from: starwatcher307
date: Feb. 21st, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
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.
I've seen one instance, but I read. Animal experts tell us that rape is not unknown in the animal population, but it IS rare.

But that's beside the point. To suggest that a man can't control his erection is just looking for excuses. Unused erections eventually subside. If it *must* be relieved, masturbation is a valid option. Nowhere is it written, or even implied, that an erection *must* be discharged in the body of another person (because men are also raped), and that the willingness of that other person is of no consequence.
.

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no thank you

(no subject)

from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 21st, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
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oh, do these "animal experts"? wanna back that up with some journal articles? google scholar provides them for free. (unfortunately, you won't be able to because rape is hardly rare in "the animal population" (i assume you meant kingdom, as a population is a group of individuals of a particular species in a particular place/time). it occurs in every class of organisms in which rape is possible (those with internal fertilization).

and i agree that everything you said in the second paragraph is true. for most men.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 21st, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
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Not at all!

Like you say, the control thing is bullshit. I've never met or even heard of a single guy who is incapable of keeping himself from raping the nearest female when he has an erection. Not once. To say otherwise would be like saying that, because I have a nasty temper, I'm incapable of restraining myself from beating up anyone who pisses me off. It makes no sense.

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(no subject)

from: ragabashtule
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC)
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May I please link to this on my own LJ?

Thank you for posting it. And, yes, it is really sad that things like this need to be said.

Or worse -- the men out there who think that "Well, she was dressed sexy, so she was just asking for it." Hate them. I'm sure there are probably plenty of women out there who buy into that line of drivel as well, unfortunately.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
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Of course you can, I'm flattered!

Everyone seems to buy into the line about sexiness and rape. I don't get it. Stranger rape is about misogyny and power, acquaintance rape is the same (sometimes with the thin disguise of how he was just so turned on he couldn't help it). None of it is about sexiness.

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no thank you

(no subject)

from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
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excellent icon. ;)

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(no subject)

from: ragabashtule
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:09 pm (UTC)
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I loves mah Wraiths.

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no thank you

(no subject)

from: cailin_t
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)
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i've always loved sg-1, but thought atlantis would be horrible spin-off crap, so avoided it like the plague. but i just finished season 1 and LOVE IT. <3 rodney <3 lol

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Wolfychan

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from: wolfychan
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC)
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I always firgured it was just a particularly cruel extension of "too ugly to get laid" (a category which, by the way, people vastly overestimate) and not meant literally, but maybe I was giving assholes too much credit there.

Sadly, though, I think it's gotten to the point where a lot of morons have heard the things you're saying, but have dismissed them as "just what feminists say" while secretly knowing that rape is just unstoppably hot sex.


...Gah, I can't even tell you how many assholes have assumed I'm an involuntary virgin and tried to mock me for it. "The reason you never get laid is because you're so ugly! Haw haw!" And I think they think it must really hurt me inside because I don't, and I've been telling myself it's just bad luck or selectivity, but they made me face the terrible truth.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
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I've never actually heard of someone who was so ugly they couldn't get laid. Too weird, sure. Poor hygiene, religious fanaticism, general creepiness? All seriously decrease opportunities for sex. But just plain, garden variety ugly? Not so much. It may decrease the selection pool somewhat but then, in the end, you're just weeding out the shallow fucks so it's all good.

I believe you about the assholes though (although I actually think you're cute, so I don't know what their problem is). What gets me, though, are the pathetic insecure fucks who can't get a woman of their incredibly exacting standards into bed and take it out on the rest of the female gender.

I get guys who tell me (mostly on my MySpace account) that they wouldn't jerk off to my picture, like it's some kind of devastating insult. Really? OMG I CARE SO MUCH.

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Wolfychan

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from: wolfychan
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
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Unless your MySpace pictures are considerably saucier than I'm guessing, it would be more upsetting if they did.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
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I believe I was wearing a dress. And possibly makeup. Neither of which is something I do a whole lot, but that's neither here nor there.

I don't actually care if guys are jerking off to my pictures, as long as I don't have to hear about it. I have an ex who has a whole lot of nude photos of me, and I wouldn't be surprised if they're up on the internet somewhere (I probably should care about this, but I really don't). But the idea that my self-worth is so wrapped up in my looks that I would be upset that total strangers don't get hard for my MySpace photos is...kind of tragic.

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Miz Laurel

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from: hoppytoad79
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 07:42 pm (UTC)
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Amen! Rape is about power and dominance, not sexual desire. #1 isn't always true, but it is in some cases.

I was aware of #3 on some level, but it wasn't crystalized in my mind until I read what you wrote. If she's ugly, it's her fault. If she's pretty, it's her fault. If he isn't getting laid, she should have pity on him and not be mad he raped her. If she has rape fantasies, then she's getting what she asked for. On and on and on, all about how it's her fault or she should be glad someone's having sex with her. xp Bullcrap.

I'm going to link this to my LJ.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:13 pm (UTC)
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Thanks!

#3 was something I was trying to articulate for a long time, and then I sat down to write this rant this morning and it all just came pouring out.

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Miz Laurel

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from: hoppytoad79
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 10:02 pm (UTC)
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I know the feeling of trying to articulate something and then, one day, you sit down to write something down and what you've wanted to put into words FINALLY crystalizes and you can express it. Most satisfying.

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Invalid Username

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from: tailoredshirt
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
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*agrees so much it hurts*

Word on #3 and 4, especially.

I don't discuss this with people very often because I haven't run across many people in real life who would admit that they believed ugly women didn't get raped, or if they did then it meant they were finally getting laid, but I've heard comments to that effect and they make me angry every time. So many people have these insane ideas in their heads, even if they don't same them out loud.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
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That's what the anonymity of the internet is for. People will admit to things online that they would never say in person.

What fucks with my head is the way so many guys really don't seem to understand that having sex with a girl when she's telling you to stop and trying to get up is not 'unwilling seduction', it's fucking rape. Maybe I'll make another post to that effect.

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(no subject)

from: ragabashtule
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
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Please do. My best friend was raped repeatedly by someone she thought was her friend over a period of months. Even though I became her friend several years after this happened, the first time she told me that story, my heart broke.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
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I'm so sorry for your friend. I think I will write that, as soon as I can get my thoughts together on the subject.

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(Deleted comment)

Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC)
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Thanks.

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Lupa

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from: lupagreenwolf
date: Feb. 19th, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC)
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Hi there, here from adnar_el

I agree with this 100%. I've seen entirely too many justifications for rape in the U.S., and I know the situation is worse in places where women's rights aren't nearly as widespread. You've done a great job of addressing a truly insensitive statement.

Only thing I'd add is:

#6. Anyone of any sex, gender or other identity/orientation can be either a perpetrator or victim of rape. That the majority of rapes are male on female does not make the non-female victims less victimized or worthy of being heard and listened to.

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Sarah

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from: clawfoot
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 12:06 am (UTC)
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Not only did you beat me to the punch, but you said it much more eloquently than I did.

*points* What lupagreenwolf said.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)
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Yep, totally agree, and thank you.

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Peter Maranci

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from: bobquasit
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 03:01 am (UTC)
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I agree, absolutely...but one more thing: men get raped, too. And it doesn't matter how big or strong they are, nor what they look like or how they behave.

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Nomnivore

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from: nomnivore
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 04:05 am (UTC)
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I can't believe it needed to be said.

There's a woman here who is an advocate for rape victims. She was gang raped. After her name was made public, she said she had people coming to her in the street telling her she was too ugly to be raped.

http://stgeorge.yourguide.com.au/news/local/general/rape-need-not-be-taboo-topic-says-brave-young-woman-tegan-speaks-out/1079342.html

It makes me want to be sick.

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(no subject)

from: ragabashtule
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
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From my perspective, I don't think she's ugly -- but that's neither here nor there, and what happened to her is absolutely deplorable and unexcusable.

"I was f***ing horny."

Please. I know guys have a tonne of testasterone, but when someone is screaming NO at you, I think that would override your higher brain function at least to some degree.

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Baby Driver

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from: aebhel
date: Feb. 20th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
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How utterly disgusting.

And how courageous of Tegan Wagner to speak out about it even after all the abuse she's suffered on top of being raped. I agree--there really needs to be education, both for men and for women, about how having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is NOT ACTUALLY OKAY.

Thanks for sharing the link.

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theknitter

Powerful read.

from: theknitter
date: Mar. 11th, 2008 12:24 pm (UTC)
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A powerful piece of writing and it needed to be said.

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